“YOU ARE SAVED!”
I got THAT
as a chat message
while I was online
on this rainy day.
I was supposed to be riding
SISTER LOUISA’S SPIRITUAL SCOOT SCOOT
in The Local Parade,
passing out
FUCK FEAR pins,
I’VE GOT A HEART ON FOR JESUS matches,
MOMMIE, JESUS TOUCHED ME
and
JESUS LOVES YOUR BUTT!
bumper stickers.
I responded
to my chat-vangelist
by saying
that I have been free
for over 24 years now,
and I wondered
how he knew
THAT,
about me?
December 11, 1986
was THE day
that things
changed.
He started
evangelizing me,
telling me that I was handling
my sin well.
I thought to myself,
“Self,
wait,
I thought they say
that THAT
was Jesus’ job?”
I was easy on him,
played with him a little bit,
by telling him
that it is a good thing,
because there are
tornado warnings
all over the city!
He then said
that it was
The Storm of Sin
and Salvation!
I said,
“no,
actually
there are real
black clouds
with funky colors
all around”.
Come to find out,
he sells
SIX-PACK-OF-PRAYER
beer,
which touts
that drinking THIS beer
“can cleanse your sins on contact”.
CAN YOU I-goddamn-MAGINE!
He’s,
like,
trying to make money
off of JeSuS,
our Lord
and Savior!!!
jaja j ajja ja
First off,
I WANT
the neon sign
that says
SIX-PACK-OF-PRAYER!
You never know,
I might need
it sooner
than later.
Secondly though,
his theology
made my face
squint up
a little bit.
There are Charlatans
everywhere!
Don’t believe
A WORD
that any
Jesus selling beer salesman
says to you;
and by all means,
question anything
coming out of a
53 year old
straight man,
who gets lots of mileage
out of saying he is gay,
who calls himself
Sister Louisa,
AND is too chicken
to ride his
Spiritual Scoot Scoot
in the rain.
CHARLATAN!!!
