My year in Mexico
was a
BIG FAT FAIL
in terms of
reaching my goal.

I went to write
THE BOOK
but got distracted
by Muchachos,
Mohitos,
especially Jesus,
NOT Christ.
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TEN DOLLARS!
TEN DOLLARS!
PLEASE DADDY,
TEN DOLLARS!

Mary Grace,
I can only afford
for you to spend five dollars
at the arcade.

BUT DADDY,
JUST TODAY,
TEN DOLLARS,
PLEASE!
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My Cover
has been been
Blown.

I need a cigarette.

Naked,
exposed,
and now conscious
that someone out there
is conscious
of what I wasn’t even
really conscious of
when I started writing
these damn Ditties.

I thought it was
MY secret.
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Amidst the perfect storm
that is our unsure economy,
I did the logical thing.

I up and bought
a brand new car.

I’m not EVEN
smart enough
to realize
that THAT
might not have been
a good idea.

What can I say?
I now need a car with seats
more than I needed
a truck without?
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“NO!”

Punk looked shocked
and said: “No? Why not?”

“BECAUSE YOU HAVE ORDERED
TWO ROUNDS OF DRINKS
AND HAVEN’T TIPPED
ONE PENNY!”

He said:
“I’m sorry Man,
I’ll make up for it
it this next round”.
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“Do I look like OBAMA?”

That was this Street Hustler’s
response to a Homeless Begger’s question:
“Got Change?”

I laughed.
I thought it was cute.

The Begger didn’t.
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SPPLHHHHHHHHLLLLLLLLAAAAAAATTTTTT!!!

jaja ja jaja

I was the last person
to hop on
the packed County Bus
that takes us
from the Orange Parking Lot
to the Couthouse
for Jury Duty.

I had stopped by
the coffee shop
and took my typical
BIG ASS LIGHT ROAST
in a To Go Cup.
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SHUT THE FUCK UP!

It has never been
more clear to me
than right here,
right now,
that Our Issues
are the Creations
of our own Minds.

I could do
a stand up ROAST
of my dozen top friends
without identifying their names,
and it would be
obvious
who I was ROASTING.

Including My Own Damn Self.
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The Obnoxious AMERICAN Tourists
happily standing in line
for the Charter Flight to Mexico
were all in bathing suits,
wide-brim hats,
and flip-flops.

They already smelled of sunscreen.

THEY were laughing,
celebrating the good times
that they were about to have
on their upcoming vacation.
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Thank God
he didn’t drop her!

I remember
the good
Republican,
Conservative Preacher
holding Mary Grace
up in the air
with her RICHARD N. SHIT
hand-smocked,
baptismal dress on,
the cost of which
could have fed and housed
fourteen homeless families
for a month.
Read more…